my breastfeeding journey
I always knew I wanted to breastfeed. What I didn’t know was that wanting to is not always enough.
When I was pregnant with my first baby, Milo, I didn’t have any mom friends. I didn’t have anyone to tell me about the hard parts - the parts I never expected. Sure, I knew becoming a mother would be an adjustment. I knew I’d be tired and busy, and I’d need to learn a lot of new skills. But I didn’t expect the anxiety, the physical pain, the feelings of failure. And I didn’t expect it to hit me like a brick wall.
When Milo was born, our midwife showed us how to latch properly (which is not always easy btw), and I began breastfeeding him. Wow. It was painful. I fed him for hours - left, right, left, right - he just kept going. My nipples were raw, and my body ached from giving birth. I could barely move. I fed him and fed him, and he just kept crying. What was I doing wrong? I’d been a mother less than 24 hours and I already felt like I was failing. Failing at something that was supposed to be natural.
I broke down.
Watching me struggle both physically and mentally, Alex suggested we try giving him some formula. I was both grateful and devastated. Milo fell asleep after drinking the bottle, and he woke up hungry an hour later. It was then that we realized he had a big appetite.
So, I hit the pump. I was determined to do everything I could to get milk into his mouth, so I started using a double electric breast pump in between feedings. I took supplements, tinctures, herbs, you name it. I chugged water and ate oatmeal. But I could barely produce an ounce. I kept waiting for my supply to increase, but it never did. I pumped so often, I joked that I was a human cow. But it wasn’t funny, it was tiring. I was sad. And through it all, I struggled to find someone who had experienced what I was going through. I needed more than anything to feel like I wasn’t alone, but if people like me were out there, they weren’t talking about it.
So, if any of this sounds familiar to you, please know you are not alone. I see you. You’re doing great.
Between breastfeeding, pumping, and supplementing, we made it to 6.5 months before my supply fizzled out, and from that time, we formula fed and introduced solid foods. It took me a long time to get over the feelings of guilt. I cried a lot of tears. I wanted so badly to be enough for him, I constantly wondered what I could’ve done differently or better. But I did the best I could, and Milo is now a thriving 3.5-year-old with more energy than I could ever hope to have. 🤣
When I was pregnant with my second baby, Olive, I prepared to go full steam ahead into breastfeeding, but I was at peace with the fact that it might not work out. I bought the herbs and baked lactation cookies, and I bought formula just in case we needed it. I felt a sense of empowerment in being prepared for either outcome. I felt ready.
Knowing what to expect the second time around had a profound impact on my mental well-being. I think being prepared was half the battle. I powered through those painful first days and I was feeding her comfortably in no time. I kept a water bottle the size of my head beside me, and I was determined to be a milk machine. But still, the day came when my supply just wasn’t enough. And that’s okay.
I breastfeed her as much as I can, and we supplement with formula whenever we need to. As long as she has food in her belly, she’s happy as a clam.
Choosing the right formula was a big decision for us. We wanted to make the best choice for our Olive, but it’s hard to know what to look for. We chose to supplement with Similac Pro-Advance® with 2’-FL†, because it contains an ingredient with an identical structure to 2’-FL found in breast milk.
2’-fucosyllactose oligosaccharide† (2’-FL†) is an immune support innovation designed to help build baby’s immune system. In breastfed babies, one of the ways 2’-FL helps support the developing immune system is by feeding the good bacteria in the baby’s gut. Similac Pro-Advance® with 2’-FL† is the first and only formula with 2’-FL† in Canada, making the choice easy for us. If I can’t exclusively breastfeed, then I feel confident I’m making a good choice for little Oli.
Although formula-feeding or supplementing might not be in your master plan, I want to share some positives I’ve found that have helped me along my journey. The first (and best), is that my hubby can help feed her. Feeding can be such an incredible bonding experience, even via bottle, and it’s so nice that he’s able to share that with her. Plus, it gives me a little break from always being on-duty.
Another silver lining is the simple fact that she’ll take a bottle. If you’re a mom, you know that there are some days you become so physically or mentally drained, you just need a break from the boob. And don’t get me wrong - I love breastfeeding. It’s magical. But being someone’s everything can be tiring, so having the option of a bottle is welcome in those moments.
Being a mom is the hardest job in the world, and we tend to be our own worst critics. That first bottle of formula sent me on an emotional rollercoaster, and it took me a long time to get here, to a place of peace. I hope that sharing my story helps you feel less alone if you’re on a similar path, or maybe even helps you be more understanding of other parents. We never really know what someone else is going through, so from one parent to another, I encourage you to love more and judge less. Xo
If you’d like to learn more about Similac Pro-Advance® with 2’-FL†, click here. We like the ready-to-feed format because there’s no mixing required!
This post was kindly sponsored by my friends at Similac®. Everything I’ve shared is my own experience.
† Not derived from human milk; identical structure to 2’-FL found in breast milk.